I have spoken words for love

birds

I have spoken words for love,

I have bled those words from my entrails to paint myself anew after each encounter

with love.

I have known it to be eternal;

none of that getting over it nonsense works for the real deal,

only an understanding that this love’s lessons are done so I can get on to the next level of unravelling.

What do I unravel into?

Who cares?

I am indestructible.

Even when disintegrated into a million pieces.

In the journey to becoming love I generate a field that translates into a life that takes my breath away.

And thus I love again.

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Young bitches

Young bitches have their teeth pulled out early.

Their sharp canines filed back to acceptable standards –

Polite, gentle, quiet.

No yelps, no bites establishing autonomy

Allowed.

Young bitches have their lust surgically removed as teens.

Their ovaries, vaginas, and life giving blood

Made dirty.

No desire, no wetness

Permitted.

Young bitches, praised for being tame

Will hurt themselves begging for scraps off their master’s tables.

Until.

Their heart remembers where all bitches come from.

Awakens to the wild power in their veins.

Howls growing back what was hidden away

for eons.

Young bitches become wolves,

Untamed.

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Scream

I want to scream

There are reasons that are too far fetched to explain and

Never really matter, the why is irrelevant you see to this want that is bubbling inside me like a boil bent on inevitable

Eruption

Have you seen the painting scream

The art contained within doesn’t give reasons

Doesn’t need reasons

For millions to relate to that primal urge.

I want to scream

and you know why.

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Stages of awakening and embodiment

Phase one: Pituitary gland. Brahmin’s cave. Access to highest self.

Meditation based on breath. Noticing the space between thoughts. IAm presence. Being in the head. Accessing pure light of reality. Blissful being.

Witness contrasts between blissful being and every trigger your body experiences in its interaction with the outside world.

Old wounds come up to be released.

Phase two: Heart. Opening of the high heart. The absolute silence of unconditional love. Rage. Belly area prepares for liberation. Sometimes memories of past lives. Kundalini power rises but feels fury. Like a tsunami. Necessary to build momentum for inner power to clear cellular wounding. Male embodiment experiences guilt. Female embodiment experience rage.

Everything embodiment denies in its drive to survive is brought to the surface. Victimhood, tyranny and the desire to save the world – aspects of personality installed to survive in fear based paradigm of reality. Witness and heart direct compassion to raging belly. Sometimes feels like being ripped apart in the belly area. Belly area connected to the collective- all humans are connected to each other living from survival coping mechanisms. Focus on heart love provides space for all beliefs and wounds from the belly to be witnessed. Pain and rage are energies wound tight, denied access to the conscious mind. Heart space gives access to a field for unwinding. Through breath pain finds its way to the heart to be loved. Depending on person’s current life circumstances, it could feel like an ocean of pain, wave after wave after wave. Heart’s love is stronger. Fiercer. More relentless than any amount of pain. Heart’s patience is infinite with pain. Grounding in the heart physically results in opening of the chest area, straightening of spine to allow kundalini from the base of the spine to rise up into its vastness. Feels blissful and relaxing. Once the neural pathway is learned between core kundalini energy rising to the cave of Brahmin, embodiment perceives its bigness. Person becomes conscious of being more than body.

Phase three: Belly integration. As belly offers up learnings from life/lifetimes to the wisdom, patience and love of the high heart, a clear distinction is made between notions of fluttery romantic false concept of love and its true form. Innocence is accessed for the first time since childhood. Signal that embodiment is ready to integrate childhood learnings into adult life purpose.

Service to others is questioned for all belief systems around sacrificing for others, boundaries, saviour beliefs, arrogance/worthlessness dynamic and beliefs that one knows better what is good for others than them.

Phase four: Existential crisis. Judgements of the rightness or wrongness of everything. Example: rich people are evil. Concept of rich dismantled for embodiment ‘s projections about itself and its entitlement to wealth or help or lack or poverty. Person questions everything it believes about its goodness as related to money. Link between money and happiness vs ego satisfaction based on worthlessness and needs for ego validation.

Beliefs around money giving people authority over others.

Access to inner knowing.

Falling of illusion that spirituality makes person righteous, better than non spiritual people or in any way superior to others.

Love of all aspects of self, love more for aspects of self triggering guilt.

Nothing to forgive. Surrender to journey of life.

“I” have nothing to teach “you”.

All is always as it should be. Everything is.

Responsibility for self love self care service to others questioned for impeccability of intent.

It is not important. Needing people leads to accepting people as they are without falling into victim tyrant saviour dynamics.

Being human is challenging. If you’ve read this far, you’ve seen my journey. Hope it helps yours.

Much love. We’re in this together.

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Have you ever felt despair

once upon a time there was a princess who lived in a separate reality. a reality where she was not allowed to be who she was. It was considered bad manners to roam free wherever she felt like because the world she was born into was enslaved. It was composed of slaves, small ones and big ones. the small slaves were the ones doing the work for the big slaves. no one knew they were enslaved which meant that whenever she told anyone about slavery and its existence, they didn’t believe her. like robots, they would repeat the same lies over and over again until she either had to believe the lies and become a slave herself or be annihilated.

people who said they were happy without facing their pain made sure the princess knew about their pain. it made them feel better to share their pain, to make her feel in her own body what they felt. it was for her own good, they said because how else will she become a slave if she doesn’t know what pain or fear is?

her reality, the one she was born with no one was in pain or in fear. it didn’t exist. everyone had everything they could ever want or need and they spent their days dancing or laughing or working on making things together. building houses together for a new couple who were married in sacred ritual and no one questioned anyone’s motives. no one lied to themselves about what they felt or needed or wanted.

after years of living in a parallel reality, she felt the most horrible feeling she had ever experienced – despair. despair is layered feeling. despair contains the history of all the times she wanted to run away and couldn’t. all the times she tried to express her truth and was told it was a lie. all the times she was in pain and no one came to her rescue. people pretended it was normal to be in pain. people pretended that adults knew what they were doing and were pure and clean in their motives and emotions and that was the biggest lie of all. or worse. people lived their lives assuming that everyone is out to get them and lie. marketing was 80%lie. selling products and services was 80% lie. objects were made to be trashed quickly so the big slaves could make more money for the biggest slaves. rivers were polluted by and for slaves. the air got dirtier and dirtier by daily small acts of slaves working for slaves. food became more and more fake so slaves made more money. afraid and in pain, people did their best not to feel. feeling would mean they would have to admit to how uncomfortable their lives were. feeling would mean they would have to change. changing was scary and they had no time or money for it.

no one was honest about how they felt. they got so used to denying their own feelings in order to survive, it became impossible to connect with others. isolated in small bubbles of emotions that felt painful, disconnected from each other, people took drugs, pills, drank, procrastinated and made fun of other people calling it entertainment in order to avoid being vulnerable. after all, when they were vulnerable, it exposed them to the truth of who they were and environments where that truth was not welcome were plenty and environments where that truth was seen, heard and understood was called therapy.

people pretended that men had the right to abuse and degrade women. people pretended that women had the right to abuse and degrade their own children. people pretended that children had no conscience or understanding of their parents.

she despaired that she would ever find a place where people were free, loving, joyful or happy. that place did not exist in this world, she concluded, and yet.

Yet.

Yet.

something happened when she faced the pain of her own despair. and that something was a miracle and that miracle was kindness. it expressed itself in the strangest ways, from the most unexpected places. it was a look of compassionate understanding from a stranger on a train. it was a hug from a friend. it was a coffee offered in earnest by the owner of a coffee shop, an expression of his desire to serve. it was beautiful. it focused her attention on a new feeling – hope.

hope that people did feel one. hope that people were capable of compassionate understanding of each other’s pain. hope that the common dream they shared of safety, joy and abundance was expressed in the simplest act of goodness.

when she remembered that, when she remembered humane means all these things. safety, kindness, goodness, compassion, understanding, joy, curiosity, excitement, exploration. human beings had both. human being chose every day what aspect of themselves they acted out of. she felt trust.

therapy would become extinct when people found a whole environment where they were welcomed for who they are instead of who they pretended to be. anger would become extinct when people expressed their likes and dislikes directly trusting others to respect their boundaries.

the more comfortable people would become with aspects of themselves they denied, the safer it would be for others to do the same.

hope, the daughter of knowing took the hand of trust. the three of them walked into the world. sitting down, they asked, now what? now we sit in peace until every human finds us within.

the beginning.

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About sisterhood

About sisterhood.

Your work cannot be separated from who you are, it is an integral part of you.

The disease of separating work, friends, personal is plaguing the planet into complete chaos.

We are human beings. There’s a lot more to who we are than what we’ve been taught at school, university or any other outside structures.

Mysticism is the study of the ever unfolding magnificence of a human being.

Women s circles are healing. This is a group that supports your blossoming into who you are fully.

Several steps are necessary to establish a stable structure for this process to unfold.

1. You must recognise that most of your inner work is done in private. You share with others only after asking yourself these three questions. It is right? Is it necessary? Is it kind? These three questions guide everything you say within the group. The reason for that is that it’s very poor etiquette to dump all your drama and pain onto other people. That is not to say that we cannot hold each other in our pain. But sometimes being in pain can be used to get attention and feed off other people’s compassion thus reinforcing the co dependent cycle of pain and never truly healing.

This practice will also help in UN learning small talk conversations that never truly nourish and learn instead to communicate with depth, presence and kindness. The kind of communication that nourishes and enriches everyone involved.

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The Purpose of pain

In my body lies the memory of all my lifetimes or lifetimes that make sense to me at this point, Akashik records comes to mind. They are exhausting. Not many people can hold that much information in their consciousness and stay sane.

I remember what it felt like to be in a circle of women shamans who sat together around a fire in a cave, dressed in homespun clothes, hair wild, uncombed, feathers tied in it, sparkling eyes.

Because time is an illusion and my mind has gotten used to it being an illusion, I can peer behind the veil of 3D time and have that experience in my current lifetime. And they can access this one through me. They asked me endless questions and love the concept of airplanes.

I turned to that circle of woman for consolation. My experience of fully owning my anger is owed to them because they sat around me and chanted ‘you are angry’ over and over again until I admitted to being so. Then they said ‘I am sorry’ over and over again until I was free of it.

I use tobacco to access that circle, tobacco smoke makes a path to timelessness. 

I am present to this reality and to that reality at the same time right now.

I am releasing the pain of being a woman in patriarchy because it’s “time”. I have done that by accessing the pain body in my abdomen and asking myself when was the first time I felt this way? Immediately, the memory of hiding from soldiers wearing steel while they ravaged our cart and hearing them having destroyed my home village. I was not with my family because I was chosen to be a priestess at The Springs of She.

These women were my teachers. If the description of Springs of She, villages and soldiers wearing iron doesn’t give you an idea of how long ago that was, let me tell you it was 10,000 years. 26,000 years are galactic cycles of human evolution so I arrived about halfway through. Yes, there are people who arrived at the very beginning, Atlantean – wait, I have memory of Atlantean times but it lies outside the scope of this essay.

This essay is about pain we hold in our bodies as women at every single time we have been raped, ravaged, abused, driven down, executed, burned at the stake, persecuted, isolated, imprisoned for being powerful. Every heartbreak we felt at our men being killed.

Before you go on blaming men, let me tell you they they wouldn’t have been able to pull this one off without our full participation. It was what we agreed it to be.

I bet all of us could use a circle right now.

The circle is formed of women sitting together having one in its middle. Presence is established among each participant. A field of complete openness and acceptance is set. The feeling you don’t want to address alone is brought into the circle. It is expressed in a simple admittance to the truth: “I am …” That truth is repeated over and over aloud by each member of the circle except the one in the middle.

“She is…” is chanted in a completely accepting and neutral tone.

We accept what is, fully, until it is released.

“I am sorry” is important to be said after the feeling is admitted to, not because it was the women’s fault whatever caused you to feel this way but as an expression of compassion.

I am sorry you are feeling this way right now, it implies. I am sorry that it is so uncomfortable, it implies. I am sorry that you are going through this, it implies. I am sorry that it gets to be too much to handle sometimes, it implies. I am sorry that you are breaking open in such a way, it implies. I am sorry.

So what do we do with this? What do we do about our human history? Akashik records are like blockchain, can’t be modified. Permanent true record of what happened as humanity went through its evolution from cave dweller to flying cars.

Let me mess around with your mind a little, consider it brain training to keep it young and supple.

I said evolution from cave dweller to flying cars. I also said time is an illusion. See the paradox?

At different levels of consciousness both realities are true.

It is true that time exists and doesn’t exist at the same time. Evolution and non evolution are both true.

Pain is real in your body when you consider evolution. Outside time, there is no pain. Pain doesn’t exist outside time. Pain served us to forget how connected we are to each other.

As we remember, pain disappears.

Happy circling!

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