Depression is a gift: be the change – the how

Teal Swan, Matt Kahn, Inelia Benz – so many teachers out there to learn from!

But if we do have the power, and we do, how can we best organize our efforts into doing something efficient, simple, abundant and lasting for the world where we live?

Step one: Breathe.

Step two: Eat

Step three: Clean

Step four: Swim.

Swimming. Swimming in everything your life is. Accepting it.

Choosing your heart. Choosing to share what your hearts longs to do.

Choosing to share it with others in a safe environment.

Magic happens all the time!

Especially when you are true to who you are. In August, we start sharing.

To join the group, please subscribe.

The 10GBP contribution represents your commitment to actually doing something.

Doing what is yours to do.

PayPal Subscribe Button




From: “The Art of Peace” by Anna Hur


Boundaries is the energy of “You will not pass” and “Unconcerned”. Just stand your ground. No matter the emotion thrown your way, you will remain unperturbed. Unshakeable. Like a mountain.

Have you ever tried to hit a boulder as a child in anger? It does not hit you back but you will feel the pain of your own act. Immediately. The boulder doesn’t judge the child. Nor does it want it punished. It simply is what it is. A rock.

Boundaries are like a rock. Unbreacheable.

Boundaries are tough to enforce if, during your lifetime, you were taught to feel bad for having them.

People sometimes call you ungrateful for not accepting the information or material things that they insist on giving you out of their own sense of tyranny.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as information you don’t want because you know it’s not for you.

People usually have very good reasons for giving you unwanted information. It usually involves them telling you how they feel about you, what they think about you. It’s the force of their own unfaced emotions that they project onto you and want to let you know about.

Unfaced emotion carries energy. It carries energy that can damage your emotional body.

It is people’s responsibility to face their own emotions. It is yours to have boundaries when you perceive an unbalanced person in front of you.

That is self love.

It benefits you to have boundaries and, ultimately, the person who is trying to throw their emotions your way so they don’t have to deal with them. When people’s emotions return to them, their energy returns to them.

Matt Kahn recommends a blessing in return in such cases.

I’m not there yet. I will be, once I learn boundaries.

For myself and for others.

It’s also important to note that whenever you encounter people who break your boundaries, or try to, it is never about them. It’s about you. It’s a situation that you are face to face with everything that brings about this apparent breach, including your willingness to have them broken and the reasons behind it.

How does having my boundaries broken benefit me?

It keeps me in place.

Why is it of benefit to you to be kept in place?

I need grounding.

Meet the need that you have uncovered.

Have a blessed Monday.


How to love fear

From: “Or you can watch TV shows all day” an existential crisis/business success novel


Fear, as it turns out, is one of the templates that were gifted to humanity in order to experience duality. 

It has, unfortunately or fortunately, depends how you look at it, become the dominant template through which we run our lives. 

I’m currently using the same strategy on it as I used to deal with my pain and desire to die. 

The strategy in question is to love it. 

I promised myself two days ago that I would not abandon myself in my pain, just like everyone else seems to abandon theirs. 

I am not going to get on with it, get over it, pick myself up by the bootstraps, process it away, choose joy, choose something else. 

I have, in fact, nothing better to do with my life than love myself in my deepest pain, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many bills need to get paid, no matter how many promises I have to keep, no matter how many commitments I have to cancel. 

Because it’s me. I’m all I’ve got. And this me is in pain. To think I can have better things to do than to be present with this pain, love this pain because it’s part of who I am is to commit unspeakable cruelty.

Fast forward a few weeks and the pain is gone leaving in its wake a sense of inner shimmering light and capacity for joy beyond description. A capacity for intimacy, vulnerability and presence with others. Was it worth spending all that time loving my pain? 

You tell me. 

This is meant to encourage you to sit with yourself and love yourself, no matter what. 

Everyone is different. Every journey to awakening different. I deal with my not wanting to be enlightened in Chapter 3. 

I don’t want my divinity to be exclusive of anyone. I don’t think “the chosen ones” will go to heaven and the rest of us will be stuck living out our karmas. I don’t think it’s right to bait people into spirituality by the same clickbait the Net uses to take their money. 

I have seen infinity and it’s endless, not constrained to any corner of consciousness. 

This high vibration exclusive club where only those who can maintain it stay is bullshit. 

There’s a reason Jesus hung out with thieves and whores. 

Spirituality doesn’t need to be any way. There is no normal way. There is no wrong way. 

Fast forward a few months and I am glad to see Teal Swan talk about this in more detail in her video on Spirituality 2.0. 

Here’s a bitter pill for you – like the red one in The Matrix. 

Doubt. Doubt points to what? Fear. Fear of what? Getting something you don’t want to experience. What does it matter? Why does it matter to you so much to experience only what you want to experience? Don’t you see that the clinging to the illusion of control makes you so weak and powerless? Don’t you see there is no way to control life, any of it? Any of what happens to you? 

You can control your thoughts, you think. By inviting only the ones that are good for you and feel good. Yeah, but that’s the first step for babies when they learn how to walk. 


Adults don’t give a shit of what their thoughts are, adults exist in love at all times and every thought and emotion and feeling that arises is met with the same unconditional love and kindness as the one before. It is irrelevant if you feel good or you feel shitty, you exist in love because you know you are love and everything else is decoration against that backdrop. 

That’s what adulthood is. 

Preference is for children. Seeking is for children. Wanting is for children. Suffering is for children. 

Fear. Loving your fear gives you power. Love your fear. The more you love your fear, the more powerful you are. 

Anger. Pissed off irritation. Loving it gives you power. Love your anger and irritation. See how powerful you are. 

Insecurity. Loving insecurity makes you giggle in your belly like a tickled baby. See how powerful love is. 

Resistance. Loving resistance makes you scream with delight, like you’re dropping down on a roller coaster hanging on to the railing for dear life screaming, knowing you are safe. And the gravity is always here to catch you. Engineers smarter than you designed the roller coaster and they know exactly how to give you the height of pleasure. 

Too much. Loving the feeling of too much gives you access to giddy heart excitement where you can barely breathe with amazement at what you are behold ing. 

Excitement about loving your feelings gives access to curiosity. Loving your Curiosity leads to seeing yourself as a beloved child on the planes of existence who is spoiled and indulged and protected and given every delight imaginable just so it can experience it all. IT ALL. > ALL OF LIFE> 

The more you surrender to loving everything you are, everything that happens to you, the more freed you are from your own limitations. 

Be free please. I can’t wait to spoil you, God says. 

That was two weeks ago. You’d think I’d practice this more assiduously. 

Source just throws new characters my way to see how well I learned the lesson. 

Today I am dealing with fear, insecurity, lack, arrogance and worthlessness, and disbelief. 

It’s taking me a while to get used to goodness. 

Fear is the dominant vibration. It’s like an encasing, like a tight suit of armour, limiting movement. 

The parts of me that are released from this suit feel scabbed, sore. Frozen without the encasing. Like when people/animals used to be screamed at freeze even at the most loving touch.

Even if there’s nothing threatening them. 

Fear is also a conditioning. It’s a conditioning that goes into your emotional body, your cells. 

It’s a conditioning you can love yourself out of. 

Haters want love. They want love because they don’t get love. And by get I mean understand. 

Understanding love means loving your haters. Your haters. Your enemies. Those who cause you pain. 

Loving them means you are indestructible because no matter what they do, there is so much love within you that you respond to every insult with a blessing. 

Greed. Greed is lack of love. Let me explain it in detail so you may understand it. 

Greed is a want that points to a hole within your being bottomless pit of despair that it is. Despair at never ever in a million lives having enough loveeee. 

See it within you? The despair? The clinging to everything you can get, the need to get fucked, the need to do anything but face that bottomless pit of lack? Lack meaning absence of love? 

When you love that pit within you, you realise it leads you where? 


Everything you experience, every emotion leads only in one direction and that direction is love. 

Here’s the fucked up thing. You never exist out of love, you just think you do because that’s the game. 

That’s the game of remembering. I am going to be human, you say. I am going to experience all the crap that the current humanity experiences in their forgetting who they are and I am going to do that because I know that it will lead to love. I know I never exist out of a field of love and experiencing its absence, any way shape or form of absence of love will only make me see that it’s an illusion and I am always love, whole, and free. 

The human condition is not that of suffering. 

The human condition is of love, wholeness, and freedom and the only thing that makes us suffer is forgetting that truth. 

Mic drop. 

I’m done. 

You have the ultimate power. That of love. 

Remember who you are. 


Why you shouldn’t kill yourself

Later, much later after the crisis that brought about my serious decision to live, which, incidentally includes writing myself notes like the one pictured, I realised something.

The reason why you shouldn’t kill yourself, look at the text below and tell me if you can even imagine feeling this way.

Like life is magical.

I’m betting it’s a no, it’s a bitch, it’s anger, frustration or feeling like giving it all up at this point, right?

It’s memories of pain and hurt and disappointment. It’s hating your job, life, and yourself above all.

It’s having this last shred of control over something that’s purely and truly yours.

No one cares so why should I. You may say.

Or perhaps you’re more rational about it. It seems like the only logical way to deal with everything that’s going on.

I’d pause for a second only if it’s just enough to finish this post.

Here’s why you shouldn’t kill yourself.

You don’t know what life is like without pain.

If you did, you wouldn’t be reading these words.

If you did, it wouldn’t be on the table. So here you are.

All you’ve known is that life hurts. Your life hurts. Your love hurts. Your choices hurt. Why would you trust that it may be different tomorrow?

What if there was a way to live in love instead of pain?

No, not the romantic crap they sell you, it’s not an emergency or dependent on you being anyone’s ‘the one’

Just, consider it for a moment.

What if all the pain in your life could be faced, acknowledged, healed and replaced by other emotions? Ones you didn’t know you could feel?

I’m only discovering that I have in fact never felt truly proud of my poetry until this year- i mean people say you should be proud but I had no idea what that felt like in my body. So there is definitely room for new emotions. It’s this piece in case you were wondering what I felt so proud about. It feels truly like I worked on it, put in the intent to be impeccable, do my best.

And now read the words below and don’t make any decisions until you



Clean something

If ending your life makes you feel happy and excited beyond a shadow of a doubt – you’re done with what you were born to do, you’ve lived the happy, incredibly fulfilling, joyous and blessed life where you thank eternity, God, the Goddess, the Universe, Divinity, Life itself every second of every day for being here, for being exactly who you are, having lived everything you’ve lived, having experienced everything you’ve experienced –

If you have lived a life of ever expanding ecstasy

If you have experienced its endless magic

If you have seen, touched the poignant beauty of everything that exists- if you have seen yourself fully, in all your glorious perfection, the messy, tear stained, raging, kicking and screaming YOU!

The kind, loving, never giving up, hoping despite all obstacles in your way,

The giggling, hugging, kissing, loving your friends YOU

The one that’s been through every single step of your journey that led you to reading this post.