From: “Or you can watch TV shows all day” an existential crisis/business success novel
Fear, as it turns out, is one of the templates that were gifted to humanity in order to experience duality.
It has, unfortunately or fortunately, depends how you look at it, become the dominant template through which we run our lives.
I’m currently using the same strategy on it as I used to deal with my pain and desire to die.
The strategy in question is to love it.
I promised myself two days ago that I would not abandon myself in my pain, just like everyone else seems to abandon theirs.
I am not going to get on with it, get over it, pick myself up by the bootstraps, process it away, choose joy, choose something else.
I have, in fact, nothing better to do with my life than love myself in my deepest pain, no matter how long it takes, no matter how many bills need to get paid, no matter how many promises I have to keep, no matter how many commitments I have to cancel.
Because it’s me. I’m all I’ve got. And this me is in pain. To think I can have better things to do than to be present with this pain, love this pain because it’s part of who I am is to commit unspeakable cruelty.
Fast forward a few weeks and the pain is gone leaving in its wake a sense of inner shimmering light and capacity for joy beyond description. A capacity for intimacy, vulnerability and presence with others. Was it worth spending all that time loving my pain?
You tell me.
This is meant to encourage you to sit with yourself and love yourself, no matter what.
Everyone is different. Every journey to awakening different. I deal with my not wanting to be enlightened in Chapter 3.
I don’t want my divinity to be exclusive of anyone. I don’t think “the chosen ones” will go to heaven and the rest of us will be stuck living out our karmas. I don’t think it’s right to bait people into spirituality by the same clickbait the Net uses to take their money.
I have seen infinity and it’s endless, not constrained to any corner of consciousness.
This high vibration exclusive club where only those who can maintain it stay is bullshit.
There’s a reason Jesus hung out with thieves and whores.
Spirituality doesn’t need to be any way. There is no normal way. There is no wrong way.
Fast forward a few months and I am glad to see Teal Swan talk about this in more detail in her video on Spirituality 2.0.
Here’s a bitter pill for you – like the red one in The Matrix.
Doubt. Doubt points to what? Fear. Fear of what? Getting something you don’t want to experience. What does it matter? Why does it matter to you so much to experience only what you want to experience? Don’t you see that the clinging to the illusion of control makes you so weak and powerless? Don’t you see there is no way to control life, any of it? Any of what happens to you?
You can control your thoughts, you think. By inviting only the ones that are good for you and feel good. Yeah, but that’s the first step for babies when they learn how to walk.
Adults don’t give a shit of what their thoughts are, adults exist in love at all times and every thought and emotion and feeling that arises is met with the same unconditional love and kindness as the one before. It is irrelevant if you feel good or you feel shitty, you exist in love because you know you are love and everything else is decoration against that backdrop.
That’s what adulthood is.
Preference is for children. Seeking is for children. Wanting is for children. Suffering is for children.
Fear. Loving your fear gives you power. Love your fear. The more you love your fear, the more powerful you are.
Anger. Pissed off irritation. Loving it gives you power. Love your anger and irritation. See how powerful you are.
Insecurity. Loving insecurity makes you giggle in your belly like a tickled baby. See how powerful love is.
Resistance. Loving resistance makes you scream with delight, like you’re dropping down on a roller coaster hanging on to the railing for dear life screaming, knowing you are safe. And the gravity is always here to catch you. Engineers smarter than you designed the roller coaster and they know exactly how to give you the height of pleasure.
Too much. Loving the feeling of too much gives you access to giddy heart excitement where you can barely breathe with amazement at what you are behold ing.
Excitement about loving your feelings gives access to curiosity. Loving your Curiosity leads to seeing yourself as a beloved child on the planes of existence who is spoiled and indulged and protected and given every delight imaginable just so it can experience it all. IT ALL. > ALL OF LIFE>
The more you surrender to loving everything you are, everything that happens to you, the more freed you are from your own limitations.
Be free please. I can’t wait to spoil you, God says.
That was two weeks ago. You’d think I’d practice this more assiduously.
Source just throws new characters my way to see how well I learned the lesson.
Today I am dealing with fear, insecurity, lack, arrogance and worthlessness, and disbelief.
It’s taking me a while to get used to goodness.
Fear is the dominant vibration. It’s like an encasing, like a tight suit of armour, limiting movement.
The parts of me that are released from this suit feel scabbed, sore. Frozen without the encasing. Like when people/animals used to be screamed at freeze even at the most loving touch.
Even if there’s nothing threatening them.
Fear is also a conditioning. It’s a conditioning that goes into your emotional body, your cells.
It’s a conditioning you can love yourself out of.
Haters want love. They want love because they don’t get love. And by get I mean understand.
Understanding love means loving your haters. Your haters. Your enemies. Those who cause you pain.
Loving them means you are indestructible because no matter what they do, there is so much love within you that you respond to every insult with a blessing.
Greed. Greed is lack of love. Let me explain it in detail so you may understand it.
Greed is a want that points to a hole within your being bottomless pit of despair that it is. Despair at never ever in a million lives having enough loveeee.
See it within you? The despair? The clinging to everything you can get, the need to get fucked, the need to do anything but face that bottomless pit of lack? Lack meaning absence of love?
When you love that pit within you, you realise it leads you where?
Everything you experience, every emotion leads only in one direction and that direction is love.
Here’s the fucked up thing. You never exist out of love, you just think you do because that’s the game.
That’s the game of remembering. I am going to be human, you say. I am going to experience all the crap that the current humanity experiences in their forgetting who they are and I am going to do that because I know that it will lead to love. I know I never exist out of a field of love and experiencing its absence, any way shape or form of absence of love will only make me see that it’s an illusion and I am always love, whole, and free.
The human condition is not that of suffering.
The human condition is of love, wholeness, and freedom and the only thing that makes us suffer is forgetting that truth.
You have the ultimate power. That of love.
Remember who you are.