When the war is over

What war? You ask.

I have no war. I am at peace with my fear.

It’s not mine, this fear.

I did not create it, like I did not create the Earth

or the ocean for that matter.

I am just a human.

Cheekily laughing

at clouds that frame the full moon making it look like the eye of the dragon.

It happened last night, when no one was looking, except three pairs of eyes.

What riddles are these? You ask.

We take fear so seriously and in our fear to die.

Or desire to die.

Never truly live.

I thought this was about war? You say.

I make it a question so you don’t have to. 😉

The war within your being when you think holy means something, anything that is outside your life.

Or body for that matter.

Every breath you are given, receive.

It is holy.

When you dance at a club with others in cohoots.

That is holy.

Every step you take on this Earth that rises to meet you.

Is holy.

And emails are no exception.

Mundane is holy in disguise.

Superficial is God laughing at itself.

When you stop believing the lie that holy means serious or other or anything exclusive of anyone.

What if I told you everyone you meet is god’s image appearing on the canvas of your life just to see what happens?

The war is over.

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You are doing your best, I am doing my best, we are all doing our best.

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I’ve been given another chance at life. As mentioned in my Depression is a Gift intro, this year has been a year of healing my desire to die.

Desire to die is layered, tied into an experience of life where no one sees you, no one truly understands you and you don’t know howto see or understand yourself.

I have been given another chance at life and I count moments of true intimacy as gifts because that is how I know I made the right choice. I could not have experienced these moments if I had taken my life back then.

Talking with a dear friend whose point of view on life is –

Life is good and the bad stuff is temporary –

As opposed to my own –

Life is hell and the good stuff is rare and far between –

Has made me aware that I have a choice. In every moment, I have a choice to either love and be grateful and truly see life as a gift 

or

Insist on believing that my pain, fear and trauma is all there is to my life. 

Back when I was loving my pain, I have written over 70,000 words on my existential crisis. I was asked to look beyond the pain.

This is what I saw:

And no matter how much I may seem like a victim, I know exactly what I am doing and why I am doing it. All I need to do is remember and trust my reasons for doing some things and not others.

It is never other people’s fault.

It is always your choice. Believe me, I know how irritating it is to stop blaming others for your problems because it’s so much harder to truly face yourself than take the easy way out.

Facing yourself doesn’t mean beating yourself up.

Facing yourself means loving all those unsavoury bits of behaviour, emotions, and thoughts that conflict with the idea you have of yourself as a ‘good’ person.

When I do that, I can forgive myself.

When I can forgive myself, I can forgive others.

When you stop trying to fix what you don’t like in the world – you can focus on giving to the world.

Your best.

As you have always done.

Can you love yourself that much?

Right now, you are doing your best.

I trust that you did not wake up this morning wanting to slack through life as if you didn’t know the gift it truly is.

You know it is a gift.

Feeling the way you feel, you are doing your best.

Doing what you are doing, is your best today.

It is enough.

I honor that you want to do better. I see how hard you try to do better.

I wish I felt good all the time too.

So today, right now, let’s rest.

Trusting each other.

To do our best.

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Essence of core

When I asked myself yesterday why I decided to come to this planet at this time, there was a lot of saviour energy – an illusion that people need to be saved from suffering. It is my most difficult obstacle to overcome – this belief. It stems from ego. No one needs to be saved. If no one needs to be saved, then what is my purpose? Who and how do I serve if I cannot save anyone?

It points me straight to the joy of creating what I want to create and the immediate no one will want this, no one will see this as valuable kind of fear. Grounded, I might add in my life’s experience.

If I do not suffer for my life, then how valuable is it? How can I relieve the suffering of others if I do not know what it is in my life?

We connect through suffering. We connect through a shared experience of pain. We are used to connecting over our shared fears or indignities. We connect through judging and rejecting others. None of that works for me anymore. Does not resonate. No flow. No tingling with the sensation of feeling alive or empowered.

I used to be told ‘get real’. Come back to reality. People are evil and no one cares about you.

Imagine my surprise when I found people who did care, were kind and most importantly, wanted me in their life! I looked for reasons to deserve it and pay them back. Must be something wrong with them, I concluded, and did my best to push them away.

Annoyingly, they stayed.

Essence of core then is to be who you are. Love your dreams relentlessly and take steps to their fulfilment in every moment of every day. Not because they will take you somewhere, you are already there, silly! Because your dreams are who you are.

Sharing your dream, the song of your soul is how you will connect with others who will share theirs with you.

The intimacy of shared dreams is much more expansive than the intimacy of shared pain.

Shared dreams expand your reality into moving towards more joy. The joy of realising your dream. The joy of supporting others in realising theirs. And mastery. True mastery and dedication to the path of heart, the effort of daily work on your dream, the expertise of that is its own reward.

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The Princess, the Wizard, and the Dragon excerpt reading

Imagine a world where wizards run around threatening princesses with violence for saying ‘no’.

What kind of princess do you have to be in order to not have this happen to you?

And, if, a wizard does knock on your castle’s door, and you don’t like him; how do you respond?

What happens to your castle when a dragon lands on its roof offering protection?

This is your home. You have nowhere to run or hide.

Where do you find the courage to stand up for what is yours? And who will help you?

What kind of heroine are you? Damsel or fighter? Rose is a fighter. Read about how she deals with threats to her life. And tell others that a new reality is rising.

A world where princesses learn how to fight.

Download the story instantly to your reading device here.

 

 

The Princess, the Wizard, and the Dragon

DOWNLOAD A COPY OF THIS EMPOWERING FAIRY TALE HERE

 

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Karma the Assassin Book One Excerpt Reading

Trigger warning:

The scene in question is from the aftermath of rape so if you are sensitive to these things and feel triggered, please consider your needs first.

However,

I consider this book a step by step process of healing deep wounding at levels beyond the merely physical. It contains practices no one out there recommends to my knowledge. This reading contains steps to reclaiming ownership of your body.

Download a copy of your book here. 

 

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Steps to paradise on earth. Intent.

I’m grateful that I have a roof over my head because having a roof over my head allows me to focus on doing things I love instead of having to find a place of shelter every night, like so many people do.

I’m grateful that I know where to buy food and money to buy it with, for it allows me to nourish my body while enjoying the texture of each ingredient cooked to perfection.

I’m grateful we’re becoming more politically empowered because it allows us to truly see the system we’re all part of and begin a dialogue detailing exactly what kind of life we want to lead as 7000000000 of us sleep eat and work.

Big questions. Lots of answers.

I’m grateful I get to have the choice to even consider that what I want is possible and thus accomplish it.

I want to live in paradise the kind where you don’t have to die to go to, or sacrifice for, or consider yourself or anyone else unworthy of it.

It all starts with a dream. A story. A beginning.

I intend to live in paradise on earth.

There’s peace in that as everything that’s not it falls away. I insist. I won’t take no for an answer and instead consider it as not yet for some. Those who don’t share my vision and instead argue why it isn’t possible- not yet for them; not everyone is born to lead and that’s ok.

As I take up my space with others on the same path, it creates a field, a gate for all to enter if they wish .

There is no rush.

Love is not an emergency. It is.

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True wealth

I am moving for the first time in years, to a building composed of cheap materials, built from social benefits budget assigned to a contractor whose bid is low cost. It’s not pretty, it’s functional, like a person deciding in her logical mind a functional building should look like; easy access to stairs, double security on gates, bright industrial bulbs lighting up the passageways that get turned on at sundown and turned off at dawn.

My possessions are plenty, they no longer fit into seven suitcases, I need four boxes for bits and bobs I think are important to my life. Five plants in pots of various sizes, and a few large garbage bags with more things get transferred from van to pavement to security heavy door. Moving is the third most stressful part of life after bereavement and divorce. I read about that in an article, years ago.

People of colour, robe wearing, veil wearing; people of ages, teens and elderly all ask me if I need help.

In the chaos that is my life, every question of, do you need help, is like a bright voice of kindnesses echoing in my heart, etched in memory, never forgotten. More precious simply because it’s so unexpected. Here is someone going about their day in a city that seems cold and consumerist and liberal capitalist; a country having voted for Brexit, newspaper headlines filled with stabbings, scandals and outrage, asking a stranger if she needs help moving in.

A welcome such as this I’ve never had.

I’ve moved again and this time it’s a house set in a busy road in one of London’s extensive suburbs. I am sitting on the porch, watching the sky. My neighbour from across the fence is mending a fire in a barbecue oven made from a recycled oil barrel. I used to know the price of oil per barrel and it used to be 120$ down to 35$ in the course of a year. The consequences of this fall resulted in a few companies going bankrupt in the United States but I am in the United Kingdom and this man, a husband and father to a bright child of two is asking me to join them for a barbecue later in the day. Bring your friends, he says. He is from Brazil, works as a gardener and his friends are from Iran and Argentina, hosting family members who moved to the UK from Spain, having given up on finding a job. The woman has a teenage son who intently listens to my advice to study hard, get into computer science on a scholarship as a path to a bright future. I am keenly aware of how important this information is for him, his mother is looking for a room to rent for both of them, having found a job in cleaning. Argentina is facing a food shortage, I know this from the news. She thanks me for showing her spare room dot co dot uk and it’s just a small dent in what in a just world would be a full welcome package for any person escaping poverty coming to a safe place. They share Irish beef barbecued to perfection, juicy and flavourful with me. I am in awe of their generosity and how they accept me into their circle asking if the special corn dish made of corn cakes stuffed with cheese and meat, wrapped in corn leafs is to my liking. The food nourishes me on levels beyond the physical. I say goodbye too soon.

There is so much kindness in the world. We are all so different but that doesn’t stop us from asking if someone needs help moving or would like to join our barbecue. Our lives feel richer with these experiences because in those moments we treat each other as family. Extensive, weird, upside down, each with their own secretly carried pain trying to find that bright spot of love inside or out and when we do find love, that is, kindness, it changes us. It makes us so much more than we thought we were. It makes us human. It makes us belong to one another as we are, accepted, embraced, fed, housed. What if, I ask. What if this is the new normal? Can tomorrow be the day we all have our needs met? Can we turn to one another and offer help, food, home, love, kindness? What would that feel like to you?

I have money but I’m rich in people. My wealth is measured by connections kindness support and love. There are more examples so subscribe to receive my point of view on true wealth. I believe it’s new.

Have a lovely day. May you be blessed.

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